


Maybe we'll be okay

by cecilysmith



Series: all in pieces [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Depression, M/M, Protective Bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 19:30:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6022123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecilysmith/pseuds/cecilysmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>you know what I think I said this was going to be fluffy. Oops? It has a bit of a happier ending I think?</p></blockquote>





	Maybe we'll be okay

Bucky awoke feeling... Free. It was an amazing feeling. It had been months since he was let out of SHIELD confinement and today was the first day that he felt truly free. A grin split his face and he crawled out of bed, careful not to disturb Steve. He could  _do_ things today. Maybe he'd make breakfast for the both of them. Maybe he'd clean out their apartment (was it an apartment if it was in Stark tower?). On bad days, Bucky could barely get out of bed. Any task, no matter how small, was a challenge. Steve helped him on those days, of course. Today, he didn't need anyone's help.

Soon, though, Bucky would crash and burn and feel worse than before, but he told himself to enjoy this feeling while he had it. 

He set off making bacon and eggs in the kitchen their suite(?) came with. He didn't burn anything and he hadn't made any mess. Everything was coming up Bucky.

He waited a few minutes more for Steve to wake up. He looked at the time. Steve should be up to go running soon. Steve didn't wake up. The food would get cold. Bucky gave up and silently moved toward the bed and shook Steve awake gently. "Steve." He murmured. "Stevie, wake up."

Steve pulled himself into a sitting position, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "Hey, punk, I made breakfast." He kept his voice low so as not to freak Steve out in his tired state.

Steve lowers his hands and bit his lip. "Thanks, Buck, but I'm not hungry."

It was obvious then that Steve was going to have a Bad Day. But now he had Bucky to take care of him.

Steve began to get out of bed, but Bucky stopped him. "You don't have to run today, baby, if you're not feeling up to it." 

Steve tried to smile at him. "No, I'm going." He paused. "Good to see you're feeling better today."

He wanted to say, "I'm feeling  _amazing_!" But Steve would feel guilty then, and Bucky could not have that.

Steve got up and gathered his running gear silently, not meeting Bucky's eyes. Bucky watched him sadly. He hated when Steve got like this; it pained him to see his best friend so blue. 

Soon, Steve left, and Bucky began pacing back and forth, wondering what to do. Usually when Steve ran, Bucky read, or watched TV, or something mindless. Sometimes Natasha came and visited him or led him out to the common room with everyone else. Usually, he didn't mind the extra push from Natasha. Natasha understood her limits, and knew when he was having a Bad Day. He hoped she wouldn't come by today. He'd have no excuse to stay, because Steve still wouldn't let him tell the others about his depression.

Bucky wanted to tell them so badly, but he respected Steve's privacy. Some days, Steve would excuse himself from his friends' social activities saying something along the lines of 'I'm not feeling well', and then often later in the day, they'd drag him out to cheer him up, and there was nothing Steve could do because he couldn't think of a good enough excuse without confessing his problems.

Bucky began preparing the room, doing what Steve did for him when he had bad days. He made sure they were stocked up on junk food and arranged the many pillows and blankets on their bed into a warm, cozy nest. He opened Netflix and dimmed the lights a little. 

To pass the rest of the time, Bucky ate his own plate of bacon and eggs, which was a little cold, and he tidied the kitchen, and then the rest of their room. Steve hated having the place messy, but today Bucky knew he wouldn't have the energy to clean it.

After what felt like an eternity, Steve returned. He barely looked at Bucky before he showered. When he emerged, he stopped just outside of the doorway, staring around forlornly as if this were something completely new. "C'mon, Stevie." Bucky gently guided him to the bed, where they both nestled into the nest of blankets. 

"Thank you, Buck." He murmured. Bucky slung his arm around Steve's shoulders, holding him close. Steve was silent, but Bucky knew that a million thoughts were churning through his mind. 

"You wanna watch anything? Eat anything?" Bucky suggested, glancing over at Steve's huddled form.

Steve shrugged. "I dunno."

"Anything you want, doll."

"'M not hungry, Buck. I don't think I'll end up paying attention to anything you put on." He muttered.

"But it'll be nice to have some background noise, yeah?" Steve nodded.

Bucky put on  _Friends_ and turned the volume down low. On days like this, Steve didn't talk much. He tucked himself into Bucky, resting his head on Bucky's collarbone and placing his hand hesitantly on Bucky's chest. Bucky let him. With the serum, Steve was taller than him, but then, he felt very, very small. 

"Bucky, I don't, I don't know why it's so bad today, I'm sorry." Steve whispered. "I know you were having a good day. I'm sorry I ruined it."

Bucky knew this would come at some point. "You listen to me, Rogers. You could never, ever ruin my day. There's nothin' to be sorry about." He carded his fingers through Steve's short hair. "I love you, Stevie, don't you ever think you're a burden." Steve had issues with self-worth, even on good days, but Bucky was amazed that Steve ever thought that Bucky wouldn't like him. For a while, Steve was the only reason Bucky got up in the morning, how could he ever hate him? Bucky was the one that didn't deserve Steve.

"Alright, Bucky." He sounded resigned. Oh, this was a  _very bad day_ if Steve wasn't even ready to argue with him. Suddenly, Steve's phone went off. He reached over to the nightstand to retrieve it, and as he read the display, his face fell. Bucky glanced at it. 

 **Natasha:** _****we're having a Star Wars marathon and you still have to watch the prequels. Come on, old man :P_

Steve glanced over at Bucky with a panicked look on his face. "Bucky, I can't..." He faltered, blinking rapidly. Bucky realized he was trying to hold back tears.

"Just tell her you can't. If we're lucky, she won't pry." Bucky replied uneasily. He had a bad feeling about this.

Steve closed his eyes for a moment before replying.

 **Steve:** _Sorry, not today._

"Okay, that's good." Bucky murmured.

Then, there was a  _ding_.

 **Natasha:**   _come on, you need to get out of your room. You can bring James._

 **Steve:** _I can't today, Natasha._

 **Natasha:** _Wilson said you were down on your run today. We're coming up, Rogers._

 **Steve:** _Natasha_

Steve stared at Bucky with a haunted look. "She can't..."

"Jarvis, turn up the lights." Bucky said.

"Of course, Sergeant Barnes."

He looked at Steve seriously. "I'll deal with this, okay, doll?" Steve nodded. "And Stevie, we might have to tell them."

Steve frowned but nodded again. Bucky crawled out of the blankets and threw them on Steve, who seemed to sink into the pillows. Bucky waited for the inevitable banging on the door. The room was fraught with tension, tension that only grew when Natasha knocked on the door and shouted, "Let me in, Rogers."

Bucky didn't open the door. "Go away, Nat." Then, more quiet, "Jarvis, make sure they can't get in."

"Yes, Sergeant Barnes."

"We're not moving until you open the door, Barnes." Tony cried.

"Don't hold your breath." Bucky barked. He felt ready to punch everyone out there.

"You holding Steve hostage?" Sam demanded.

"Steve doesn't feel like talking." Bucky hissed. "Especially to you." He was being mean, but they just wouldn't leave.

Steve whispered, "Let them in, Buck."

Bucky moved away from the door. "You sure, Steve?"

Steve nodded. 

Bucky opened the door and stood in the doorway so they all wouldn't barrel in at once. "Happy now?" He said angrily. The trio stared at him, unimpressed. 

Natasha pushed passed him. "Steve? Are you okay?"

Steve didn't answer. Bucky did. "Leave him alone, Natasha."

She was about to crawl onto the bed. Bucky stopped her. "I said," he said slowly, "to leave him alone."

"He's not okay." Sam said.

" _No shit, Sherlock_." Bucky shouted. He was getting irrationally angry. "That's why we didn't come down to watch your goddamn movies."

Natasha sensed that something was deeply wrong here. "Why?"

Bucky glanced back at Steve for confirmation, who nodded. Bucky glared at them. "Because  _Steve is depressed._ He has been since he got out of the fucking ice. And he's not having a very good goddamn day and you _aren't helping_ , fuckheads." Bucky's shouting probably made Steve more anxious, but right then Bucky wanted to scream at them until they got the goddamn point. He hadn't felt this angry in ages.

Natasha frowned. "Why didn't you tell us?" 

Steve burrowed himself further into the blankets. Bucky ushered the three out and shut the door behind them. He sat on the edge of the bed and murmured, "I'm sorry, Steve. I know you hate it when people get like that."

Steve sighed. "Come back in here."

Bucky smiled gratefully and re-entered the nest. Steve glued himself to his side once again. Bucky brushed his lips against Steve's forehead. "Do you think it's gonna be better now that they know?"

Steve shivered. "I hope so. What... What'll they think?"

Bucky squeezed Steve's shoulder. "Stevie, they'll be nothing but supportive. They're your friends."

"You're right." And he sounded a little relieved. Now, Steve wouldn't have to deal with it alone. (Well, he wasn't alone, not with Bucky.)

"I love you, Buck." Steve whispered, kissing him.

"Love you too, baby." Bucky replied against his lips. "Everything's gonna turn out all right, you'll see."

**Author's Note:**

> you know what I think I said this was going to be fluffy. Oops? It has a bit of a happier ending I think?


End file.
